the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
