STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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