i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
