that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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