Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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