$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Randomize
