I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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