just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
