i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
soo... how was my night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
