Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
