I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
