Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
