I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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