I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
