I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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