They should really pass out barf bags in church
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
