i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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