Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
