UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
