Kiss
Puke
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
