i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
