Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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