he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
