I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
