if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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