he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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