Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
