The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
