using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
