He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
