I want to have your abortion
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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