You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
