I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
