I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
