No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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