Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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