And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
