I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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