i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
