Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize