Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
