I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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