ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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