did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
