i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
