the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
