Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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