I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you had me at cake vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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