I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
