Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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