last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
