We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
