i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
