Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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