i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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