i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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