Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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