so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
