My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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