He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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