You smell like stripper and shame
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
