Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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