im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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