my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
