I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
