just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
