I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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